A fire is burning. I can sense it, I can smell it, I can feel it. It is not a regular fire, it is the fire of fury of all the fans of the original Embers which Samesh Rippy had smoldered in the heart and soul of the Indian fillum buffs. The embers which LGB had deliriously hoped would convert to an inferno has sadly come to be only charred remains of rotten eggs which viewers and critics have hurled at it.

Anyway, since I haven’t myself subject myself to the ordeal (nor do I intend do — I like my eggs fried or made into an omelette), I would not waste the time of the readers any further and get straight to the point — what piqued me about the movie was its name. It wasn’t just Aag, it wasn’t even Fire, it was egotistically termed “Lam Gopal Balma ki Aag” as if the fire amongst the rest of us can’t manage to match its heat (we would need Shisha Thothari to produce heat, after all!). And I was just wondering, as always, what would happen if LGB really took his ego seriously and inserted it all over the movie. Sample some of the dialogs (suitably modified so that they can be incorporated into ‘LGB ki Aag’:

• Lam Gopal Balma ki Ghunghroo, in Lam Gopal Balma ke kutton ke saamne mat naachna… (Ghunghroo almost makes me feel like its a hybrid between a heroine and a horse, so no harm singing and dancing in front of LGB’s Dogs. Isn’t it?)
• Lam Gopal Balma ke gaonwaalon … (and I hope he jumps down)
• Yeh haath mujhe de de Lam Gopal Balma ke Thakur … Yeh haath mujhe de de … muhahahaha (imagine the terror when Babban says these spine-chilling lines)
• Arre o Lam Gopal Balma ke Thambe, Kitne aadmi they re? (Mard toh sirf ek hi tha … Lam Gopal Balma. Baaki sab toh … and Thambe!! What a name?!!)
• Itna Sannata kyun hai Lam Gopal Balma ke Bhai? (Err… actually Sir LGB has gone to the loo. We are waiting on him.)
• Yeh Lamgadh waale apni ladkiyon ko kaun si chakki kaa aata khilate hain? (Lam Gopal Balma ki Chakki, without any doubts!)
• Chal Lam Gopal Balma ke rickshaw (a la Bajaj Auto), aaj Lam Gopal Balma ki Ghunghroo ki izzat ka sawal hai (LGB ghunghroo pehenta hai :O?)
• Nahi Ghunghroo, in Lam Gopal Balma ke kutton ke saamne mat naachna (But you can dance in front of other dogs)
• (Not quite from the smoldering embers, but…) Lam Gopal Balma ke Kutton, Lam Gopal Balma ke kaminon! Main Lam Gopal Balma ka khoon pee jaaunga (Finally, the truth! Me too!!)

And thus, a movie was excoriated.

[With help from here and here]

[Those in the know would immediately realize the pun on the abbreviation of the esteemed Director's name. Especially, those who have been bitten by mosquitoes]

[On other news, I am going to be traveling (yo.. again!), so expect fewer posts, but hopefully a travelogue!]

Update: Added one more dialog (2nd last)